Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
