I'm drive I can fine osifer
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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