I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im six kinds of drunk right now
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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