omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
