So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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