Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
