Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
