Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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