If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
