It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
