my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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