not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
