you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
