Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
