I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
