True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
