Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
