I think my vagina is haunted
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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