Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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