Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
