he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
