when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
