fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
not ubering you a puppy
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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