im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
