she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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