Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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