M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
