I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
