'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
