3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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