My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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