Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
bring money and cleavage
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
