Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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