woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
