HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
