my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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