He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
