Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
