After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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