Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
