I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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