We're like a lot better than the average bears
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think people are normalizing furries
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
