Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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