If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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