she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize