I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
