halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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