No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
