i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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