My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The ass gains better be worth it
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