I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
