He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
