What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
