Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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