Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
