Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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