I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
