Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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