He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
