What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
