If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize