Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
