Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize