he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
