And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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