I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
