i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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