My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How external is "for external use only"?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
