and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
